Wanted: Ranger or Bard—Must Have Own D20, Scratch Paper

Have you ever found yourself modeling the statistical probabilities of various THAC0 scenarios in a vain attempt to convince younger gamers that the stodgy “AD&D 2nd Edition” rules are better than the watered-down, Bieberified “4th Edition” rules?

Do you have dreams in which future presidential candidates are asked about their positions on unrestricted player ability scores?

Are you considering writing a thesis about the post-colonial objectification of Dark Elf maidens on the continent of Faerun?

Is your epic poem featuring Raistlin Majere almost complete?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, don your best chain mail (and girdle, probably), pick up your +2 mace, and get ready to assist the Wizards of the Coast in revising Dungeons & Dragons! No, they’re not real wizards.

Asking for player feedback is Dungeons & Dragons’s latest attempt at winning back disgruntled dungeon masters, players, and non-player characters (Drizzt Do’Urden couldn’t be reached for comment). According to the wizards at D&D (and Lisa Schuh, their director of publishing and licensing),

“This strategy centers on asking [players] what they’d like to see in a new version and giving everyday gaming groups the chance to test new rules. ‘We’re really lucky that we have such passionate fans,’ Ms. Schuh said, ‘and we anticipate they’ll roll up their sleeves and help us in this effort.’”

Ms. Schuh did not mention whether rolling up your sleeves would affect your armor class.

Do you hear the call? You will finally have a chance to put your efforts to actual purpose. Not that making that little shit from down the street cry about his weak DM’ing skills isn’t a worthwhile purpose—that kid sucks!

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