Now my contract’s renegotiated,
And what monies I have are tripled,
Which is most fair: now, ‘tis true
I must be here confined by Steve,
Or sent to Seaside. Let me not,
Since I have my boyfriend got
And pardon’d the Instigator, dwell
In this Staten Island by your spell;
But release me from my moms
With the help of your good hands:
Gentle fist-pump of yours my sails
Must fill, or else my storyline fails,
Which was to please. Now I want
Triple A’s to enforce, battles to enchant,
And my ending is despair,
Unless I be relieved by smoosh,
Which pierces so that it allegedly assaults
A hippo named Mercy, but frees of fault.
As you from a zoo would pardon’d be,
Let me return with Paulie D.
Again, noted theater critic Brian Moylan provided the inspiration for this in his Friday recap of The Jersey Shore.