Redbox Will Destroy Netflix By Becoming Netflix

Netflix saw their stock drop today as Verizon and Coinstar (Coinstar owns Redbox) announced a joint venture that would allow customers to do the unthinkable: stream movies and also rent them. Why has something so simple never been tried before?! Oh, wait…

According to the news release, the offering will “allow all consumers across the U.S. to enjoy the new and popular entertainment they want, whenever they choose, using the media and devices they prefer.”

This is completely unlike Netflix, which only allows you to enjoy a predetermined selection using the media and devices that have been enabled to access that content, thus operating within the bounds of logic.

I don’t know about you, but I think this is pure genius. Everyone hates Netflix now, and soon enough their company will be circling the drain (shareholders will likely be settling for hard rolls with ketchup inside, not whole sandwiches); when they’re about to go broke, this new venture will swoop in, buy their content for cheap, and replace them. Then, they’ll change the name to Fetnlix, and everyone will love it!

It’s a pretty Goddamn solid plan, if you ask me.

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