Dunkin’ Donuts Will Now Eat Your Sandwich For You

With business booming, and more and more gullets being filled by delicious cakey treats and sausages encased with dough, Dunkin’ is looking for ways to trim the wait time for their delicious products:

Demand for the sandwiches is increasing “virtually month by month,” CEO Nigel Travis said. As anyone knows who orders one, the relatively time-consuming task of heating bacon and eggs to put on toast can slow the line for people ordering standard quick-service items like doughnuts and coffee.

“I drive by Dunkin’ Donuts every day, and the drive-through is stacked up with cars,” Travis said. “I realize, hey, we run a great business, and second we’ve got to find ways to speed up our service.”

Yes, waiting a few extra moments for a greasy breakfast sandwich is truly agonizing; moreso if you’re forced to do in the climate-controlled space of your own automobile, instead of queuing in the actual store with the plebes and hobos. Luckily for you, however, Travis claims that Dunkin’ is on track to offer sandwiches twice as fast! Hooray!

Now go get a doughnut. You know you want to!

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2 thoughts on “Dunkin’ Donuts Will Now Eat Your Sandwich For You

    • Ah, soon enough they will offer door-to-door delivery. Or perhaps they will install a custom Dunkin’ kitchen directly into your home and provide daily stock replenishment–you’d never have to leave your house again!

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