So You’re Going to be a Rich Jackass

First of all, congratulations! Second of all, fuck you! And third, can I hold ten?

If, unlike me, you’re going to be joining the 1% soon, the New York Times has some advice for you. You see, newly inducted members of the financial elite often make huge mistakes; they make these mistakes because many of the them were poor, and thus dumb. So, to make sure their new brethren sport the proper social graces befitting an American lordling, they offer a few helpful tips:

1. Live within your means.

Don’t rush out and buy a TV like some plebe, build a wine cellar– you can afford good wine now. No more Boone’s Farm for you! Also, walk-in humidors are nice.

2. Clear your debts.

Pay the mortgage, the student loans, the car loans, and whatever other loans you might have. Loans are gauche.

3. Hire an adviser and plan for your future.

You’re a rich person now, and rich people have “trusts” and “tax-sheltered annuities” and “brokers.” Get with the program–you don’t want your child attending a state university do you? Of course not!

Being rich is fun!

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