These Are Not the Apologies You’re Looking For…

George Lucas, triple-chinned tauntaun fucker and fan-hater extraordinaire has claimed that Star Wars fans are just confused about the Han/Greedo scene in Episode IV:

The controversy over who shot first, Greedo or Han Solo, in Episode IV, what I did was try to clean up the confusion, but obviously it upset people because they wanted Solo [who seemed to be the one who shot first in the original] to be a cold-blooded killer, but he actually isn’t. It had been done in all close-ups and it was confusing about who did what to whom. I put a little wider shot in there that made it clear that Greedo is the one who shot first, but everyone wanted to think that Han shot first, because they wanted to think that he actually just gunned him down.

That’s right, fans, you can suck it: Greedo shot first, and Han Solo has always had a heart of fucking gold.

Fans often criticize the revised version of this scene because it fundamentally alters the character development of Han Solo; I tend to agree with that assessment. Also, it makes him look a bit like a lucky tool, which he is clearly not.

Sadly, it’s not particularly surprising to find Lucas revising history; after all, revisionism is one of his favorite pastimes (right behind piss-poor storytelling and mediocre filmmaking). But do you know what is not among his favorite pastimes?

Apologizing to the legions of fans who made his career or remotely acknowledging their concerns.

Because who gives a shit about them? George Lucas is a fucking artist.

4 thoughts on “These Are Not the Apologies You’re Looking For…

    • I stand by my claim!

      THX 1138: Boring and simplistic.
      American Graffiti: The cast saved him.
      Star Wars: Lucas says the newest versions are the “official” versions. And the newest versions eat it.

      I’m not even going to go into the problems with the Prequels! Midi-chlorians? Are you fucking kidding me?!

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