In the interest of making fetch happen, several girls in Juneau, Alaska, broke into a local school and wreaked havoc to the tune $5,000.
But as the saying goes, dog bites man is not a headline; but man bites dog? Hell yes! Well, then, consider this to be your lonely neighbor chowing down on some show-quality chow-chow: these girls were between the ages of 9 and 11.
That’s right, in a Gwar song sprung to life, these young ladies have earned their street cred by tearing the shit out some school in Juneau. And while the article doesn’t verify this, I bet that one of those girls totes pooped in a coffee mug.
Because pooping in a coffee mug definitely makes fetch happen.
As a bonus, I’d encourage you to read the comments on this story in the Anchorage Daily News. But be careful–staying too long inside the mind of an Alaskan can be hazardous to your health.