Did You Have Sex with Your Girlfriend or Wife Last Night? No? Well, Congratulations: That’s an Abortion

Apparently, the last time a Catholic studied logic Thomas Aquinas was wanking to etchings of Aristotle:

“We object to the use of drugs and procedures used to take the lives of unborn children,” the Rev. Dr. Matthew C. Harrison, president of the Lutheran Church — Missouri Synod, said Thursday at a hearing of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform.

Their reasoning is that life begins the moment an egg is fertilized, and that if a contraceptive has the potential to prevent the implantation of a fertilized egg in the uterus, it is aborting a life.

This is an odd position. Catholics contend that life begins at the moment of conception, yet also object to pills which prevent conception. Thus, I am forced to believe that Catholics regard any prevention of conception to be an abortion. Thus, when you didn’t have sex with your girlfriend last night, she had an abortion.

That harlot.

Not surprisingly, people versed in “science,” or “magic,” as some theologians would have you believe, disagreed:

Several scientists and doctors said in interviews that this view did not reflect the way the birth control methods actually work. “There’s so much evidence for how these things work prior to fertilization,” said Diana L. Blithe, director of contraceptive development for the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. “And there’s no evidence that they work beyond fertilization.”

I, for one, do not find it terribly surprising that Catholic Bishops were ignoring evidence.

So just remember: every time you don’t have sex with your girlfriend or wife, you’re forcing her to have an abortion. And moreover, every time there’s an abortion, Jesus gets kicked in the nuts. So basically, if you’re not fucking right now, your girlfriend is a whore and you love to kick Jesus in the nuts.

How can you live with yourself?

4 thoughts on “Did You Have Sex with Your Girlfriend or Wife Last Night? No? Well, Congratulations: That’s an Abortion

  1. I wonder, do these hardcore Catholics even hear what they say? Anywhoo, guess I’ve killed about a million babies by taking the time to comment on this post instead of getting some action.

Leave a Reply to Nicodemus Sinclair Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: