Self-Cleaning Public Toilet Releases its Rage on Tiny Toddler

Dateline New Zealand: where the self-cleaning public toilets appear to be rebelling against their creators in an epic, Miltonesque fashion:

Jessie Wakelin said she was walking with her children on Thursday afternoon, when her 3-year-old son Zachery ran ahead of her into an Invercargill City Council-owned Exeloo at Stirling Point.

She was less than a metre behind but the doors quickly closed. An electronic voice then warned a self-clean cycle was about to begin, Ms Wakelin said.

Zachery began to scream.

Zachery’s mother could not tell if his screams were the screams of a child being scalded to death, and worse still, the horror continued for 10 minutes.

Zachery, who is autistic, and described the toilet as “naughty,” had previously been able to use the bathroom alone. Not so any longer. And who can blame him?

This is clearly just the first wave in what will be a nightmarish war between ourselves and automated toilets. And that the toilets picked a 3 year-old kid with autism as their first victim signals how far they’ll be willing to go.

I, for one, will be quite cautious while attempting bathroom maneuvers near an automated toilet. And so should you be. But we must not let these terrorist toilets tighten our sphincters. We shall prevail!

In the meantime, keep calm and poop on.

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