Forget About That Other Kid, Because You’ll REALLY Hate this Kid

Perhaps you remember young Moshe Kai Cavalin, 14 year-old math whiz, college graduate, and better person than you. Perhaps you’ll also remember that I encouraged you to admit that you hated him just a little bit. Well, prepare to forget that shit and become drinking buddies with Moshe, because you’re really going to hate this other kid.

Meet Anastasia Megan, who just won the right to attend Lake Sumpter Community College (go Groupers!) in dead-central Florida:

Anastasia Megan, who goes by “Annie,” had nearly finished high school when her parents, both retired engineers, tried to enroll her in the college’s dual-enrollment program. She already had scored above average in reading, sentence skills and algebra on three college placement tests required for the college’s dual-enrollment students.

Now, at first you’re going to think that the college’s reason for denying her entrance is idiotic. And you’ll be right:

But Sumter officials said the campus might not be safe enough for students like Annie and that young students might overhear adult conversations.

“You never know what would be said…,” Margo Odom, chairman of the college’s Board of Trustees, said.

Don’t ever be surprised by someone in Florida saying something stupid.* And like I said, that is definitely one of the most special-needs reasons a person could possibly give for barring a student’s attendance at a college. But allow me to present to you her parents’ rejoinder:

Annie’s parents argued that their daughter, a triplet, had traveled the world and was mature enough for college. Annie had done well on her online macroeconomics and U.S. government courses, and her father offered to accompany her to class.

Perhaps I could have allowed myself to side with this girl if her parents weren’t complete bougie douchebags, but alas, I cannot. Especially since it’s likely that through their homeschooling they’ve transferred their knobbish values.

Thus, it looks like I owe Moshe a beer because hell–that kid’s all right.

*Disclosure: I lived in St. Augustine, Florida, for a while, and so I have first-hand knowledge of the stupid things Floridians sometimes say.

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