This Would Have Been the Craziest Maury Povich Paternity Episode Ever

Imagine that you fought to hold the Maginot Line against the German invasion in 1940. Then, imagine that you were a member of the French resistance, bravely defending your homeland against an invading force. Now, after all that–visions of glory and heroism–imagine that your father was Hitler.

Holy fucking shit.

In a tale that compelling evidence now supports, it would appear that Hitler fathered an illegitimate son with a French woman while he served during the Great War:

Although he was fighting the French near Seboncourt, in the northern Picardy region, Hitler made his way to Fournes-in-Weppe, a small town west of Lille, for regular leave.

There he met Miss Lobjoie, who later told their son: “One day I was cutting hay with other women, when we saw a German soldier on the other side of the street.

“He had a sketch pad and seemed to be drawing. All the women found this interesting, and were curious to know what he was drawing.

“I was designated to approach him.”

The pair started a brief relationship, which resulted in the birth of Jean-Marie, who was born in March 1918 after being conceived during a ‘tipsy’ evening in June 1917.

Eventually, Hitler returned to Germany to become a genocidal monster, while his illegitimate son, Jean-Marie Loret, suffered the taunts of French schoolchildren over his German parentage. That his father was German was indeed the only conclusive thing he knew of his father at the time; his mother refused to discuss it with him. Jean-Marie’s mother eventually gave him up for adoption (how crazy is French adoption law?!) to the Loret family, and though Hitler would not recognize him as his son, he continued to communicate with his mother, Charlotte Lobjoie.

And it was only shortly before her death in the 1950s that Miss Lobjoie revealed Jean-Marie’s parentage. Not surprisingly, the news did not sit well:

“In order not to get depressed, I worked non-stop, never took a holiday, and had no hobbies. For twenty years I didn’t even go to the cinema.”

Jean-Marie eventually began an earnest search for the truth of the matter but was unfortunately never able to prove conclusively that Hitler was his father. Yet recent evidence suggests that Hitler was, in fact, his father; paintings signed by Hitler were found in Miss Lobjoie’s attic, and one of the paintings appeared to be of Lobjoie as a young woman. Moreover, official German documents show that cash was brought to Lobjoie during the war. Photographs of Jean-Marie suggest more than a passing resemblance to Hitler, as well.

Regardless of whether Jean-Marie Loret will eventually be declared Hitler’s illegitimate son, one thing is clear: this would have been the craziest Maury paternity episode ever.

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