Zuck Rules Everything Around Me / Z.R.E.A.M. / Initial Public Offer / Mix of Stocks and Bonds, Y’All

White people will not stop until they’ve appropriated every possible form of expression and made it completely uncool. Case in point: Ben Horowitz, a prominent Silicon Valley venture capitalist who claims that “rap holds a trove of lessons for tech entrepreneurs. Throw business classes and books out the window, Mr. Horowitz says, and listen to rap lyrics instead.”

Yes, you read that correctly. You see, Mr. Horowitz, who is way richer than you, and definitely more influential, feels that the underlying themes of rap music closely parallel the concerns of the business world:

People think of rap lyrics as being only about money, women, status and cocaine, he said, but more pervasive themes are leadership, collaboration and the vulnerability beneath the swagger — all relevant in business.

Now that I think about it, I definitely see how

oh I see rave skin
Rip skit find a honeydip to dip it in
Slam dunk it stick it flip it and ride
That is double O D D Y oh my
Ooh that it come on come on
Whoomp there it is I’m done

is just a metaphor explaining complex tech IPOs! I knew I loved Tag Team for a reason. And better still, it becomes clear that

We heavy off into this game
True to the 1st just call me that pro slang
Them nickels and dimes and 20’s and 50’s
The 1st be the day for the dopeman
Slangin’ that cocaine fool, and I’m working late tonight
And all them fiends be lovin’ them thugs
‘Cause I got them rocks for them pipes
Come come with them ease
I gotta get paid on the 1st, gotta blaze up my spliff
Get live with the Bone Thugs, Poetic Hustlers in the graveyard shift
On the 1st

is a management parable! Thanks, Bone Thugs!

But sadly, there are some square individuals who question a rich white dude’s right to reference rap music when Silicon Valley is considered to be whiter than a 19th century Richmond garden party. In response, Horowitz points out the unifying power of the Internet, which “brings different cultures together and about the role African-Americans have played in social media and mobile technologies.”

As to that, I believe the Wu-Tang Clan said it best:

Shame on a nigga who try to run game on a nigga
Wu buck wild with the trigger!
Shame on a nigga who try to run game on a nigga
Wu buck- I FUCK yo’ ass up! What?

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