Much Like the Real “Boston Legal,” This Boston Legal is not Funny

Everyone knows the legal market sucks. Students pony up $150K with no guarantee–wait, fuck guarantee, prospect–that they’ll ever be able to pay it back, the ABA continues to accredit the educational equivalents of aborted fetuses, and even the lucky douchebags that get into HYS (that’s Harvard-Yale-Stanford, the perennial top 3 in the rankings) have difficulties landing those plum jobs that grant some measure of financial freedom.

Yet before now the market was more like a speedy subway frottage and less like an outright teabagging. Alas, some balls are coming your way:

The BBJ received an emailed tip this week from someone who says they’re an employed, Boston College Law School (BC Law) graduate. The tipster sent screen grabs of a job listing on BC Law’s career site. The post advertises a full-time associate position at a small Boston law firm, Gilbert & O’Bryan LLP, paying just $10,000 per year. (That’s $10K, it’s not a typo.)

Larry O’Bryan, one of the firm’s partners, said he’s received about 32 applications for the $10K per year job, since posting it one week ago. He said that while the pay is low, the lawyer who is eventually hired will gain valuable experience.

That’s right, a full-time associate’s position will yield you a whopping $10K per year. But cheer up! They offer a “clothing allowance,” which probably means that they’ll buy you some ties at Target (Penney’s if you were cum laude!). Also experience, which in this context constitutes the experience of a demoralization so great that your soul will literally fall dead from your ass while you’re arguing a third-rate tort claim before a judge who just wants to get back to his ham and mayonnaise dinner.

The tipster, a recent grad of BC Law employed outside the Massachusetts legal market, calculated the hourly rate at $4.81, which is well below the minimum wage in Massachusetts. As he also pointed out, the janitors that work at BC Law will make much more than this, and it’s pretty likely BC Law didn’t make them fork over a couple hundred grand for their training in toilet-scrubbing and floor-mopping.

To anyone reading this and still considering law school, I have these words of advice: you’re a dumbass, and will never practice the kind of law that will remunerate you for your investment. Because you’re a dumbass.

9 thoughts on “Much Like the Real “Boston Legal,” This Boston Legal is not Funny

  1. I love it when you rant. But then again, I was a janitor for a while, so I was rolling in the dough. I thought working for below the minimum wage was illegal. He should hire himself a lawy… oh, yeah, wait…

    • Thanks! Apparently, wage and hour laws in MA (and possibly everywhere) permit exemptions for doctors, lawyers, and a few other specialist professions. So technically, the firm can get away with lowballing the shit out of their applicants (of which they had 32, sadly).

      Your daughter just finished college, right? DO NOT LET HER GO TO LAW SCHOOL. It’s a scam. Even at the highest ranked schools you’ll have very little chance of getting a job that will enable you to pay back your student loans.

  2. I just graduated from law school and I was upset with one of my professors because she wanted me to commit to working for her until December for $8.50/hour, but after reading about this story, maybe I should consider myself well-paid. That’s a whole dollar over minimum wage!

    • Now that’s what I call “walking around” money! Worse still, that was probably one of the better paying available jobs, right? Unless you want to sit in a sweltering New York City basement highlighting every time a pervy CEO used the word “boobs” in an email while five junior associates monitor your output in a perverse simulacrum of hell.

      “No water breaks for you while you’re under the aegis of my billable hours quota! Now find me some more boobs or I’ll replace you with a Yale grad! Or better still, Adobe Acrobat’s find feature!”

  3. Pingback: So You’re Going to Go to Law School | Above The News

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