Your Goat’s Boston Accent Makes Him Sound Wicked Retahded

Have you ever just listened to a goat and then said to yourself, “Boy, I sure did think that goat was smart until I heard its accent; now he just sounds like a trashy idiot.”

Well, you’re not alone, because clearly some scientists thought the same thing and then devoted a portion of their time to studying goat accents:

Researchers found the animals develop their own speaking voice when they move away from their siblings and mingle with others.

They found that a goats’ “accent’ changed as they grew older and moved in different groups, disproving claims that their voices were entirely genetic.

That’s right, if you went to that conference last year about how goat voices are entirely genetically determined, you wasted your time because goat accent is culture, bitch.

The news about goat accents also lends support to theories that claim all mammals may develop accents depending on their surroundings; soon, the linguistics of polar bears will become a popular academic extreme sport.

I’m just happy that science has proven what common sense has told us all along: your goat’s Boston accent makes him sound like an idiot. And he doesn’t look good in that Bruins jersey, either.

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Holding Out for A Hero

Who doesn’t love a meatball sub? Or “grinder,” if you’re in a particular region.

Having just read this review in the NY Times, I am now convinced that I should have a meatball grinder for lunch (though I am in Boston and not in New York City). Now, in the interest of page views and polling and all that other nonsense that drives traffic and lands book deals, I put it out there to you, the public that’s likely not reading this, what is your favorite place for a meatball sub? I have the following suggestions for the Boston area:

Boston: Al’s at State or South
Cambridge: Al’s, or The Half Shell on Mass Ave.
Watertown: Athens Pizza & Grille

Am I missing anything? And if you happen to stumble by (but you don’t live in Boston), please feel free to make suggestions in the comments! I travel occasionally, and I eat meatball subs wherever I can find them (except for “streetball subs”–I’m not a hobo).

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