No, Higgs Boson is Not the Firm that Specializes in Diet Pill Lawsuits

Researchers at a U.S. physics lab have made an important step toward isolating the mysterious and all powerful Higgs boson particle, a particle thought to be so powerful that even Chuck Norris fears it:

The world’s best measurement of the mass of the so-called W boson was made by scientists working at the U.S. Department of Energy’s Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory in Batavia, Ill., a Fermilab release reported Friday.

The new measurement is an important step to discovering the mass of the theorized Higgs boson, the last undiscovered component of the Standard Model of physics thought to give all other particles their masses.

Well, powerful in the sense that it provides a powerful explanation of the underlying causes in theoretical physics. But I bet Norris would still be wary.

Apparently, researchers typically try to either produce the boson particles or attempt to measure other particles thought to be influenced by them; this particular attempt was a measurement trial, and it yielded excellent results:

“This measurement illustrates the great contributions that the Tevatron has made and continues to make with further analysis of its accumulated data,” Fermilab Director Pier Oddone said. “The precision of the measurement is unprecedented and allows rigorous tests of our underlying theory of how the universe works.”

Reportedly, the Devil is very happy; after all, he invented science to lead men astray from God’s truth:

“And demons shall be loosed upon the Earth and they shall consume the flesh of waterfowl paired with a savory vintage; then, with a furious surge, the demons shall construct a model of knowledge that allows for significant explanatory power in the face of questions regarding the natural world. And that knowledge will be called ‘Science,’ and it shall be evil. For men were not meant to know of the world around them; nay, they were meant to have other men read some poorly translated ancient texts and hand down platitudes from on high. Question not, men, for down that path lies only philosophers and devils.”

–Asininus, 28:12-16


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