Willy v. Sea World

On Monday a San Diego judge will consider arguments in what will likely be a landmark case in the Court of Whales. Also, the court of humans. According to PETA (like you’re surprised that they’re involved), this case is a step in the right direction:

PETA claims the captured killer whales are treated like slaves for being forced to live in tanks and perform daily at its parks in San Diego and Orlando.

“This case is on the next frontier of civil rights,” said PETA’s attorney Jeffrey Kerr, representing the five orcas.

Not surprisingly, Sea World’s lawyer does not share PETA’s enthusiasm:

Sea World’s attorney Theodore Shaw called the lawsuit a waste of the court’s time and resources. He said it defies common sense and goes against 125 years of case law applied to the Constitution’s 13th amendment that prohibits slavery between humans.

“With all due respect, the court does not have the authority to even consider this question,” Shaw said, adding later: “Neither orcas nor any other animal were included in the `We the people’ … when the Constitution was adopted.”

Judge Miller, the poor bastard who lost this round of calendar roulette, said he would take the arguments under advisement and issue a ruling later; however, he did express doubt that whales had standing to be plaintiffs.

Not surprisingly, this drew the ire of certain high-profile members of the whale community:

Well said, Shamu.

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