Forget About That Other Kid, Because You’ll REALLY Hate this Kid

Perhaps you remember young Moshe Kai Cavalin, 14 year-old math whiz, college graduate, and better person than you. Perhaps you’ll also remember that I encouraged you to admit that you hated him just a little bit. Well, prepare to forget that shit and become drinking buddies with Moshe, because you’re really going to hate this other kid.

Meet Anastasia Megan, who just won the right to attend Lake Sumpter Community College (go Groupers!) in dead-central Florida:

Anastasia Megan, who goes by “Annie,” had nearly finished high school when her parents, both retired engineers, tried to enroll her in the college’s dual-enrollment program. She already had scored above average in reading, sentence skills and algebra on three college placement tests required for the college’s dual-enrollment students.

Now, at first you’re going to think that the college’s reason for denying her entrance is idiotic. And you’ll be right:

But Sumter officials said the campus might not be safe enough for students like Annie and that young students might overhear adult conversations.

“You never know what would be said…,” Margo Odom, chairman of the college’s Board of Trustees, said.

Don’t ever be surprised by someone in Florida saying something stupid.* And like I said, that is definitely one of the most special-needs reasons a person could possibly give for barring a student’s attendance at a college. But allow me to present to you her parents’ rejoinder:

Annie’s parents argued that their daughter, a triplet, had traveled the world and was mature enough for college. Annie had done well on her online macroeconomics and U.S. government courses, and her father offered to accompany her to class.

Perhaps I could have allowed myself to side with this girl if her parents weren’t complete bougie douchebags, but alas, I cannot. Especially since it’s likely that through their homeschooling they’ve transferred their knobbish values.

Thus, it looks like I owe Moshe a beer because hell–that kid’s all right.

*Disclosure: I lived in St. Augustine, Florida, for a while, and so I have first-hand knowledge of the stupid things Floridians sometimes say.

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Mind Controlled Music Science Fair Project Rules All Over My “Does Nintendo Increase Coordination” Project

The students at a St. John’s County (Florida) science fair are doing some impressive stuff. Like mind controlled music. And building a solar-powered emergency communicator. And insulating stuff with mud. Well, maybe that last one is kind of dumb. But sadly, as dumb as that is, it’s still way better than my efforts (I’m not kidding about the Nintendo-coordination project). Or my sister’s efforts (which shampoo leaves my hair the softest? Ha, Meaghan, you suck!). Oh, yeah, and the kid who built the mind control thing? He did it because he was inspired by his grandfather’s multiple sclerosis. So he’s clearly a better person than anyone reading this right now (or writing this right now).

These kids are the scientists and/or nerd bloggers of the future, so be prepared for their awesome intellectual contributions and/or nitpicky readings of Whedonverse spin-offs!

Romneybot Is the Projected Winner of the Florida Primary

NBC News has just projected that Mitt Romney won Florida by a wide margin. It appears that Gingrich is a distant second, followed but the other GOP candidates, as well as write-in candidates Voldemort, Your Mom, Hugh Jass, Pat McCrotch, and Seymour Butts.

The Keystone XL Pipeline: America’s Never Bitter Pipeline

Wait, scratch that; apparently some Americans are quite bitter over the Keystone pipeline:

“For Obama not to do it is a disgrace to this country,” said Bob Levens, a retiree with his shoulder in a sling—a necessity before surgery on some torn muscles. (Consolation prize: Rick Santorum had signed the sling.) “He is stopping the workforce and the energy that we need right now. I don’t know where his thinking is. He’s giving $1 billion to George Soros to start buying oil from South America, from Hugo Chavez.”

Notably, Levens forgot to include the Trilateral Commission and the Bilderberg Group; both organizations are expected to play a role in Obama’s anti-jobs, anti-American, anti-Christ, lily-white-virgin-sacrificing Black Mass, to be held next week.

Perhaps most amusing is the leap of logic made by one swinging senior by the name of Jim Oddie:

“You remember Pete Rose?” he asks. “He’s banned from baseball, banned from the Hall of Fame, because he bet on his team to win. Obama’s supposed to be the manager of our team. And he bets against it.”

Oh, wait, now I get it: Oddie wants Obama to bet on America so that he can ban Obama from America! That makes perfect sense! No wonder Newton “Fly-me-to-the-Moon” Gingrich is Florida’s favorite candidate!

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