Perpetually Maligned Catholics Were Offended By Nicki Minaj’s Grammy Performance

Yes, it’s truly difficult to be a modern Catholic, what with all the musicians constantly using your iconography to convey their sexual deviations. Case in point: Nicki Minaj’s twisted performance at the Grammys; apparently, the “rapper” arrived “wearing a red Versace nun’s habit, accompanied by an older white man dressed as the Pope.” And it only got worse from there! Little William O’McDonohuesheagriffin, president of the Catholic League (not to be confused with the Justice League) described the horrors he was forced to witness:

“Perhaps the most vulgar part was the sexual statement that showed a scantily clad female dancer stretching backwards while an altar boy knelt between her legs in prayer,” Donohue wrote in a statement on the group’s website. “None of this was by accident, and all of it was approved by the Recording Academy, which puts on the Grammys. Whether Minaj is possessed is surely an open question, but what is not in doubt is the irresponsibility of the Recording Academy. Never would they allow an artist to insult Judaism or Islam.”

I’m tempted to imagine Little William’s comment about Minaj being possessed as a dig; read that quote with a sassy lisp and tell me that Little Willy doesn’t sound a little like Sister Willamina! But I digress, and in that digression I ignore the plight of the poor, poor Catholics.

God knows it’s been a difficult couple of thousand years for Catholics. Every single day I hear someone say “Hey, we should totally detain Catholics at airports because they look like terrorists,” or “Hey, don’t you know that the Catholics control all the media and the banks?” What a burden those poor bastards have to shoulder.

I can honestly say that I wake up every day thankful I’m not a Catholic.

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