The Feds Have Finally Toppled the Dastardly D.C. Amish Milk Cartel

This is fantastic news, people: no longer will some Amish guy be allowed to sell raw milk to consumers in the D.C. area:

The FDA won its two-year fight to shut down an Amish farmer who was selling fresh raw milk to eager consumers in the Washington, D.C., region after a judge this month banned Daniel Allgyer from selling his milk across state lines and he told his customers he would shut down his farm altogether.

Fucking Amish bastards…it’s about time. Unpasteurized milk is a greater threat to our nation than terrorism, sex predators, and the Jersey Shore combined; it’s an even greater threat than the factory farms that are regularly accused of unsavory and unsanitary practices.

I can only imagine the unholy hell the feds brought down on this punk as they raided his illegal milk laboratory:

But the Food and Drug Administration, which launched a full investigation complete with a 5 a.m. surprise inspection and a straw-purchase sting operation against Mr. Allgyer’s Rainbow Acres Farm, said unpasteurized milk is unsafe and it was exercising its due authority to stop sales of the milk from one state to another.

Okay, so that doesn’t sound exactly like Scarface, but the subtext is clear: don’t sell unpasteurized milk or we’ll kick your ass.

Still, many hippies want you to believe that unpasteurized milk is “good for you.” Listen, jackass, pull back your dreads, tuck in your tie-dye, and get with the program: some studies show that unpasteurized milk is unsafe. Studies with statistics and shit. Do you have statistics? No? Then shut the fuck up.

I’m just happy that all this raw milk is off the streets and away from America’s youth. Kids, just say no to raw milk.

“Dude, Where Did You Put the Tax Revenue? Whoa…My Hands are Huge…”

Economic downturns frequently force cities to get creative with their budgeting. But Oakland might not have to be as creative, considering their thriving medical marijuana dispensary sector:

The city has raised taxes on marijuana dispensaries several times in the past few years, and last year it collected $1.4 million in taxes from them — nearly 3 percent of all the business taxes it collected. Now Oakland plans to double the number of dispensaries it licenses, to eight from the current four, in the hopes that it can collect even more revenue.

Other cities are beginning to see the benefit of taxing marijuana as well; cash-strapped Colorado Springs made $700,000 last year from marijuana taxes (that’s like…70 billion dimebags, dude!), and Denver saw almost $3.4 million from taxes and application fees.

The revenue is not without headache (or tracers), however, as the Feds have decided to reneg on their promise not to harsh the States’s mellow; now, the IRS is claiming that many of these businesses are, in fact, drug-trafficking organizations. Even so, business is still pretty good, and medical dispensaries are providing much needed revenue to cash-strapped municipalities.

Plus, the dispensaries are providing some very excellent bud, and the guys that work there don’t insist on matching bowls when all you want to do is go home, cook a Tombstone pizza, and watch Zardoz on Blu-Ray.

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