Last September, CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, based outside Geneva, announced a finding that, if true, would throw a large monkey wrench into physics as we know it. Ghostly subatomic particles known as neutrinos that were generated at CERN and beamed through the earth 453 miles to a detector in Italy appeared to be arriving at their destination about 60 billionths of a second faster than a particle of light would.
Recent analysis of the findings led CERN to believe that there were at least two problems with the equipment used to measure the finding. The first was an electronic GPS component meant to record precise temporal data, and the second was a circuit–part of the relay that received the data from the experiment–that apparently introduced a delay significant enough to account for the record breaking speed; once fixed, the neutrinos’ speed would be within the barriers described by Einstein.
This is indeed sad news for those of us who have been waiting to colonize other worlds while subjugating their lame alien populations. Space imperialism is impossible without FTL travel!
I, for one, cannot stand the thought of a planet like Pandora. Goddamn blue alien hippies.