Shocking News: Federal Prison Sentencing Guidelines Disenfranchise Black Men

Recently, the GOP has taken an interest in revamping the Federal Prison Sentencing Guidelines, calling for tougher mandatory minimums with little leeway for the judges to decide an appropriate sentence. Not surprisingly, the current system, fucked by the Supreme Court, allows for greater discretion in sentencing and therefore accidentally disenfranchises black men. Why?

Apparently, the real problem is the bleeding-heart judges who want to be softer on crimes that are traditionally committed by white men: crimes such as corporate fraud and possession of child pornography, for instance. So, while black men commit crimes that judges deem deserving of a harsher sentence, white men get less time for their relatively deplorable crimes. Twenty years is a lot to ask of a guy who went to Harvard and then maybe cheated some people (probably black) out of their retirements. But twenty years is definitely too lenient for Tyrone Biggums–he had some crack in his pocket, after all! And crack is wack!

Nothing about the GOP’s plan could possibly go wrong.

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