All the Epic Battles in the Post-Apocalyptic Future Will Occur on an Arctic Supercontinent

Many eons from now, after evolution has split mankind into warring factions of psychic kings, warrior-empaths, and barbarian hordes, there will be war on the supercontinent Amasia. Because apparently, that’s where all of our descendants will be living.

Scientists used to believe that this supercontinent would form and occupy a space similar to Pangea’s (or 180 degrees away from it–supercontinental drift is not as precise as we’d like it to be). But now they believe that this supercontinent will form over the Arctic Ocean:

“The fusion of North and South America together will close the Caribbean Sea and meet Eurasia at the present-day North Pole,” said Ross Nelson Mitchell, a geologist at Yale University, who worked on the study as part of his doctoral research.

“And Australia is moving north, and would probably snuggle to join Asia somewhere between India and Japan,” he added.

We’ll not be around to enjoy it (unless some of you are immortals and the gathering happens in the distant future), but I bet those post-apocalyptic battles are going to be intense. Just imagine the psychic kings shooting mind lasers and the barbarian hordes flinging axes and yelling in some language that’s a distant cousin to a descendant of Mandarish-Francokaans–I smell a blockbuster!

This summer, only one man can stop the evil that plagues the minds of men from conquering Amasia: join Qichrosjornx on an epic journey as he leads his tribe from the coasts of Xaoricvaile to the High Kingdom of Manluxiq’aa’sh to put down the Evil Psychic Emperor once and for all. Blood will be spilled, boobs will be shown, and a new hero will emerge to lead what remains of the human race into the future.

Russian Expedition Reaches Vast Underground Lake; Unleashes Unspeakable Horrors from Beyond the Stars

Drilling some 12,000 feet beneath the Earth’s surface, a Russian expedition has reached a vast freshwater lake roughly the size of Lake Ontario. Confirmation that the drill had reached the lake came on Sunday, and the Russian team’s predictions that pressurized lakewater would rush forward and freeze, plugging the bore hole and preserving the pristine lake, were accurate. Valery Lukin, director of the Russian Antarctic Expedition, compared this achievement to other great moments in science history:

“For me, the discovery of this lake is comparable with the first flight into space,” he told the Interfax News Agency. “By technological complexity, by importance, by uniqueness.”

Lake Vostok (as it has been dubbed) is one of many subglacial lakes that have been sealed off for millions of years; pressure and warmth from the Earth below keep the lakes liquid. What was not know was the size of this particular lake, and what intrigued scientists was the possibility the lake might contain microbes, or perhaps ancient beings from the beyond the stars who fled their homeworlds to escape the threat of an unstoppable horror. Russian scientists declined to predict whether this heralded the coming of a prophesied Elder God. Instead, they concentrated on completing the project before the Antarctic summer ended; temperatures during the winter make it near impossible to conduct scientific work.

Fortunately, the lakewater filled the bore hole as expected, thus preserving the pristine sample for further study. Scientists noted that preservation of the sample is extremely important, as the conditions of this subglacial lake are similar to conditions found on Europa, one of Jupiter’s moons.

Mind Controlled Music Science Fair Project Rules All Over My “Does Nintendo Increase Coordination” Project

The students at a St. John’s County (Florida) science fair are doing some impressive stuff. Like mind controlled music. And building a solar-powered emergency communicator. And insulating stuff with mud. Well, maybe that last one is kind of dumb. But sadly, as dumb as that is, it’s still way better than my efforts (I’m not kidding about the Nintendo-coordination project). Or my sister’s efforts (which shampoo leaves my hair the softest? Ha, Meaghan, you suck!). Oh, yeah, and the kid who built the mind control thing? He did it because he was inspired by his grandfather’s multiple sclerosis. So he’s clearly a better person than anyone reading this right now (or writing this right now).

These kids are the scientists and/or nerd bloggers of the future, so be prepared for their awesome intellectual contributions and/or nitpicky readings of Whedonverse spin-offs!

Scientists: Some Brains Might Be Hardwired To Kick Them Blues with Cocaine

A recent study in Science, that evil journal of all things empirical, found that the impulse control problems common to those individuals with various addictions may in fact be inherited.

That’s right, baby, you were born this way. Sniff!

The study looked at pairs of twins, where one twin was a heavy cocaine user, and the other sniffed paint. No, wait, the other twin didn’t do any drugs. I was just looking at some paint and I had an idea…

Anyway, what the labcoats found was a hardwired predilection for impulse-control problems–common to both twins was a lack of fibular efficiency in the impulse-control region of the brain. According to Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse, these studies have far-reaching and important implications:

The new study shows it’s possible to identify people who have inherited a susceptibility to these sorts of problems, Volkow says. And it should help researchers figure out how to help susceptible people strengthen their self-control, she says.

So, if labcoats can accurately pinpoint impulse-control weaknesses in your brain and help eradicate them, the converse would also be true; that is to say, they could engineer individuals with little to no impulse control, who could theoretically function as unrestrained killing machines, or a class of individuals hopelessly addicted to some drug that an evil corpocratic government could enslave.

Take that and run with it, ye dystopian nightmare weavers!

MIT Researchers Invent Something Cool, As Usual

Not surprisingly, researchers at MIT have invented something pretty damn cool: a process for creating solar panel cells from agricultural waste. That’s right, they can make power from garbage. Kind of like Back to the Future II, when Doc Brown modified the Flux Capacitor to run on trash! Soon, you’ll be able to slap together a solar panel no matter where you are:

Andreas Mershin, an MIT researcher working on the project, envisions that within a few years, people in remote villages in the developing world may be able to make their own solar panels using otherwise worthless agricultural waste as their raw material.

Mershin said he hopes the system will become a “way of getting low-tech electricity to people who have never been thought of as consumers or producers of solar-power technology.”

The work is an extension of another project, which used a complex of molecules involved in plant photosynthesis to create an electrical current when exposed to light.

I can’t tell if the Swamp Thing would be happy about this development or not.

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