Utah Will No Longer Tolerate Your Sexy Shenanigans

In a bid to crack down on prostitution (and annoy the shit out of people trying to get a lapdance), the state of Utah recently amended a solicitation law to include boobs and sexy gestures:

Utah law had defined solicitation as a person agreeing to have sex for money. But an amendment last year broadened it to include any person who performs acts such as exposing or touching themselves.

An attorney for the escort services says the law now makes it a crime for a stripper to merely expose private parts during a dance.

Apparently, police officers were having a difficult time busting escorts for prostitution; the officers would do all that they could within the bounds of the law to get the escort to offer sex. Not to be fooled, the wily dancers would ask their clients to expose themselves, which is illegal for a police officer to do.

Now, however, the officers may arrest the dancers for erotic gestures or the exposure of dirty pillows (one arrest has been made, though the case is pending a federal court decision regarding the amendment).

There’s no word yet on whether scratching your ass under the hot Utah sun will be prohibited by the amendment; presumably, it would only be an arrestable offense if you have a nice booty.

Advertisements

Google Would Also Like a Peek at Your Sex Videos

Recent reports indicate that your cat videos, sex pics, and that video you took of that hot hipster on the subway are not safe on your phone if you authorize certain application features. Seemingly, it was only a problem for iPhones and iPads. False! Google’s Android apps are also quite invasive; more so, in fact, than Apple’s:

It turns out that Google, maker of the Android mobile operating system, takes it one step further. Android apps do not need permission to get a user’s photos, and as long as an app has the right to go to the Internet, it can copy those photos to a remote server without any notice, according to developers and mobile security experts. It is not clear whether any apps that are available for Android devices are actually doing this.

“We can confirm that there is no special permission required for an app to read pictures,” said Kevin Mahaffey, chief technology officer of Lookout, a company that makes Android security software. “This is based on Lookout’s findings on all devices we’ve tested.”

So, whether you’re a British secret agent or an amateur pornographer, look out: your phone is no longer a safe place to store pictures that might horrify your grandmother. Or you, if it happens to be your grandmother’s phone. Yikes.

According to Google, the problem has to do with the ways in which the apps were configured to store data; originally, the apps functioned to make transferring data from removable memory much easier.

“We originally designed the Android photos file system similar to those of other computing platforms like Windows and Mac OS,” the spokesman said in an e-mail message. “At the time, images were stored on a SD card, making it easy for someone to remove the SD card from a phone and put it in a computer to view or transfer those images. As phones and tablets have evolved to rely more on built-in, nonremovable memory, we’re taking another look at this and considering adding a permission for apps to access images. We’ve always had policies in place to remove any apps on Android Market that improperly access your data.”

It’s apparently quite easy to configure an application to automatically take your most recent photos and submit them to a photo-sharing website; best of all, the app need mention nothing at all about photos!

Google’s app policy requires that applications be incapable of malicious data theft, but since anyone can publish an app, it’s entirely possible to get one past the goalie.

So, for the love of God, don’t download any apps called “Super Fun Time Love Joy App for Ray of Sunshine,” and make sure you warn your friends and family. Because the last thing you need to see is grandma’s…ahem!…duckface.

Gangy and Pop-Pop to Get Busy and Freaky, In that Order

Yes, in terrible news that you don’t want to hear, STD rates among baby boomers are rising like a well-prepared souffle (ha! I defy your expectations!):

Data collected by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) shows that there were 706 cases of syphilis diagnosed among U.S. adults aged 45-54 in 2000 and 179 in those aged 55-64; by 2010 the numbers had risen to 2,056 and 493, respectively.

A similar increase was seen in cases of Chlamydia. In 2010, there were 16,106 in the 45-54 age group diagnosed with the Chlamydia, versus 5,601 in 2000, and 1,110 cases in adults aged 55-64 in 2000, compared with 3,523 in 2010.

Comparable numbers were noted among Canadian and British seniors.

Perhaps most amusing is the author’s* speculation on why this wave of genital grunginess is plaguing baby boomers:

Maybe it’s the Viagra. Maybe it’s the fact that most seniors never had “sex-ed” in high school. Or maybe it’s that more and more seniors are living in retirement communities, social hotspots for swinging single seniors. But regardless, STD rates are soaring among seniors.

Yes, it’s true: there are swinging clubs for seniors, places with rooms named “Granny’s Gloryhole” where the words “Hot Carl” and “Rusty Trombone” don’t refer to men or musical instruments. Let that plague your nightmares in the years to come.

Even Freddy Krueger would GTFO of that nightmare.

*Not the author(s) of the study

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.